Without Saying a Word

A lady standing next to me asked if I knew who "such-n-such" was. They are "such-n-such's" sibling. My shoulder nearly touching hers enough to hear over the loud fans, whistleblowing, hightops screeching, coaches hauler, teammates calling for teammates and other parents talking.

We stood in the awkward position pushed against the wall out of harm's way, the ball. "No", I replied. "When my oldest daughter graduated a few years ago, it was the best release not keeping up with everyone." Our shoulders separated. She slid back into her upright standing position while I did the same.

It's important to know people, I get that, especially kids and families our own children are involved with. Also, I am a believer in going with what feels natural. Meaning where the Holy Spirit leads me in my demeanor as a mother. And this is feeling pretty awesome. Free. From. Highschool. Life.

My second child is only in middle school. So, I've enjoyed the break from high school life. A momma deserves a break, right. This time around starting the teen years, I am one of the few who already raised a teen. Eyeballs are on me, "give us advice".

That's cool with me. I'll start by saying "every child is different". I see it with the very two I am raising, and I saw it first hand up close with my oldest daughter and her friends. Let's just say it was a beautiful process to watch those kids grow up. More importantly, watch the other parents. Back then I was the mom who didn't have an older child. So, I did a lot of evaluating and watching of parenting skills. Then there were things behind closed doors, I had to tackle on my own as a mother. Today, I want to share those with you. Because I've been there. I've raised a daughter. Who is now 20. Which is another set of parenting challenges. Your time will come with those years too. I promise. Just like you got through infant, toddler, terrible two's, you will get past the teen years. I'll get past the 20's and teen's again.

When one is in the heat of the moment raising a teen, it can be hard. We can tend to forget what it was like for us personally when we were a teen.

If words fly off the handle.
The door gets slammed.
If mumbles form under the breath getting out of the car at practice.

Let it go!

Yes, I said it. Let it go.

Exodus 14:14 The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still. 

The harder we push, the harder they push the other way.

Think back to when you were a teen.

The pressure:

fitting in
performing the way a certain coach requires
adjusting to being around young and older girls/boys
longer practices
body changes
self-image
enter-image

Be the mushy comfort your teen needs without saying a word, for now at least. [Click here to tweet].

Plan a time to watch a movie or tv show with just them. Make a movie ticket. Write it on a notecard. You can even schedule it verbally. This may require staying up later. Or asking your spouse to hang with the rest of the crew while you get this special time.

Write a note of encouragement. Post the note to their mirror, closet door, back of bathroom door or inside a cabinet. Leave it for a few days. Depending on your child's personality you may need to take it down before company, better yet leave it for the company to see, they might need encouragement too. Add a Bible verse. Not sure which verse. Find one here. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 Encourage each other and build each other up. 

Do a chore. One they are normally responsible for. No one wants to add more to their momma/dad list. I get it. Really, I do. Trust me on this one. You may not hear a response back on this one from your child. There's no need.

Speak kindly to them. Even if not spoken to kindly first. Proverbs 16:24 Kind words are like honey, sweet to the soul and healthy for the body. 

Ask for a hug. Not everyone is a hugger. If you are unsure test the waters and see if yours is. Can't get a hug in aim for a high-five. Or watching the movie snuggle next to them. Even if it's only touching shoulders.

Pray. Ask the Lord to reveal things He might be communicating to you about your personal self through this time. We are always growing. He is always talking to us. I know raising my oldest I grew mentally and spiritually. How do you feel about yourself? Are you jam up okay with the way things are? Do you love your job, hair, looks, etc? If you do not read anything else I've written, read this. You are jam up. You are a cool parent. You are a child of Gods. That's what matters. That's what makes you cool. You are loved. You are awesome. You matter. When we are busy loving God, others and our life there is no room for drama, worry, fear or regrets. Ephesians 2:19-22 When you feel unloved, unimportant, or insecure remember to whom you belong. 

Leave a gift. We all like surprises. If the teen needs something like a new toothbrush, socks, a pencil pouch or something for school, use this item as the gift. Leave a small note with the item stating, "I got this just for you." Don't go out breaking the bank to gift something in hopes the teen will never be grumbly again. A small gesture is all that's needed. Even baking a favorite meal or treat of theirs would be awesome.

Share what it was like when you were a teen. Teens love to hear stories about when we were kids. They want to know we screwed up, talked back to our parents, ran into a door in front of everyone, struggled with our appearance, and we saw the need for a daily relationship with Christ. Most get saved moving on never developing a relationship. This may be something you need to pray about personally for yourself. If so, that is perfectly okay.

While praying ask the Lord to show you which of these above would be good for you and your teen. All of them are not meant to be tackled. One. Few. Couple. Be the comfort your teen needs from the outside world. Be the hands and feet of Jesus.

You will make it through this.
You can handle this.
You can put the wooden spoon away.
You will see the sassy leave.

You are a great parent.

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I want to write a book

I want to write a book. Now what? What advice do you have for me on getting started?

Three weeks ago, I published my second book Under Contract: Life in the Middle of Dreams. Since then, the response has been wonderful. I've been so blessed to have people come alongside me to cheer me on, gain readers and the list goes on. If you haven't already visit Amazon to purchase a copy and or leave a review.

Publishing a book triggers questions for inspiring authors. This excites me. I want to share my personal intense journey in hopes of helping others. Although everything from start to finish can not be shared in one blog post, I've prayed about how to answer the one question mentioned above, "What advice do you have for me to get started?" This is a very board question. One a book could be written about. We all know we have to start somewhere. So here goes. A good starting point for an overall view of knowledge of writing a book.

If you've known since you were a child you wanted to write a book and or people tell you often you should write a book. Then those two are good leverage for a starting point, but not to be mistaken for you should or the only reasons someone should. These two can be used by God to trigger work for His kingdom. Yet the timing could not be just yet. Knowing this, never give up. Write. Write some more. Read. Read more. Brainstorm. Pick a topic. Tell a friend. Pray. Believe. Trust. Press forward. If you've been called to write a book doors to complete the project will eventually open.

You will hear, create your brand, create your voice, and build a tribe in order to write a book, get published and then successfully have sales. These can be done by:

a blog
blog daily
vlog
vlog daily
make videos often
Twitter
Instagram
Pinterest
Facebook
email list
join a writers group
etc.

Although all of these are wonderful, an inspiring writer is sure to become overwhelmed trying to tackle all trying to gain author status. As each child's personality is different, each writer is different. What works for one writer's personality might not be good for the next. Focus on what's good for you personally, you alone. What is time manageable for you? The moment you feel overwhelm back away. Slow down. Pray. Ask God to show you what's natural for your life. If it's only two from the list, then that's awesome. If it's five or all then great too. There could even be some not listed here. These just came to the top of my mind. The overall point is run with what works for you. Just because you see a successful author brand themselves through Instagram, email, and daily blogging is not what's going to make you the same successful author or any inspiring creative person whether it is music, artwork, housewife, married woman or even your health status. Horn in on your daily prayer life, your relationship with Christ and ask for His direction for you personally. Run with what He communicates to you. Be confident. Why work so hard to fit in when you've been called to be set apart. 2 Corinthains 6:17.

Here is a list of things to keep in mind about writing a book:

- Will the book be fiction or nonfiction? One idea is all it takes. Love the idea you aim towards, because you will grow tired along the way. Say "I do" until the end. Day after day, things can tend to grow boring. You will want to bail at some point, give up, don't. If you say "I do" don't bail. Great rewards at the end. I promise. If your writing has characters talk about them. Be prepared to share what your work of progress is about. Build up curiosity.

- Have a notebook.  Keep an organized notebook to your liking. Keep handy. Even next to your bed. Night time gains great writers. I wrote my first book, Daddy's Briefcase, in the late hours of the night.  Warning, you will not remember in the morning. Keep as many of your notes in one place, a notebook, or it's going to get crazy. If you tend to write on a slip of paper here and there transfer to you notebook or tape the slip of paper in you notebook. Notebook. Voicemail. Ipad. Iphone. I Notes.

- Time management, manage your writing to fit your schedule, some write working full time, some write while home with their kids. Me personally, I've written both of my books, Daddy's Briefcase and Under Contract around my families schedule. I am married, mother of two girls who are eight years apart. Sacrificing ounces of your time adds up. Try to write every day. There will be days or weeks you take off. Don't be alarmed. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12

- Writing a book can be comparable to having a baby. Researching. Planning. Writing. Creates laboring pains. You may even cry. One good thing is the book isn't going to cry. Like a dogs not going to talk back but they are still children. A book is your baby. It's fun the day of delivery, release day. Then the true work begins when everyone's back to their regular schedules. The pain you've been feeling, can't be compared to the joy that's coming. Romans 8:18

- The creative process is all yours. View other's work to inspire you. Go to the bookstore. Look at books. Look at books you have at home. Study the cover. Is it shiney or matte? Which do you like? White pages? Cream pages? Styles of writing? Which author grab your attention? Warning, don't compare your creativity to others. It's a trap to instant failure. You must seek the Lords guidance and create what only you've been called to.

- Not everyone writes an outline. I personally did not write an outline for either of my books. Others I know have not as well. Then I know others who have. Kinda like some can go to the grocery without a list and come out with all intended saving loads of cash. While some go by a step by step list to accomplish the same task. What works for one doesn't always work for the other.

- Write what you would like to read. This was done with my second book. Verse novels have grown to be a favorite read of mine through the years. It got to the point I was looking for a fresh, clean, family-oriented, faith-based, etc. verse novel. This type of verse novel did not exist. With these desires, the Lord opened a door for me to write one myself. I have a video on my facebook page about this very topic. It's under the Under Contract album.

- Editor + Proof reader. Value these people's time. It will take just that, time. Be patient. Work on something different while you wait. Make bookmarkers. Design book cover. Create a Goodreads account. Sign up for an ISBN number if your printing company doesn't provide or if you want full rights of you book. Apply for a Library of Congress Number. Think of marketing plans. Type copyright page. Type author note page. Type Acknowledgements page. Check print prices.

- Think of publishing early on. Will you self-publish or traditional publish? Self-publish is you holding rights to your book while doing all the work yourself. Basically, self-publishing is like owning your own business because technically you are. Traditional would be with a publishing house which typically hold onto certain rights. You will need to write a query letter and wait for acceptance from book agents. Rejection does happen. Rejection does hurt. Continue on until your print needs are met. I traveled the Traditional route sending out query letters with my first book. All response where rejection letters. I moved on after a certain time frame towards self-publishing. Self-publishing to some degree is easier this day and time. Even so, say 5 years ago. Remember, lots of people want to write books too. The time frame to write a book, edit and publish will take longer than you think. My first book took me 5 years and my second book took 3 years. Reminder John Grisham self-published his first book.

- Think about: book theme, writing style, voice. You might not have all the answers at first. They will come. Start somewhere. Start writing. Get the first few thoughts out on paper. You can always back up, skip over or delete. There will always be a first draft. You can handwrite this or type in Word or something similar. When it feels off, it's off. Trust your intuition, always.

- Not everyone will support you. Find a trusted friend to bounce ideas off. Some will make you feel your writing is not good enough. So don't tell yourself it's not good enough. It is keep moving on. Whatever you do work heartily for the Lord, not men. Colossians 3:23

Writing can be fun one day. Then another day it can be torture. Press on. Write until it feels natural. Then when you're not writing you will have waves of anxiousness. Write again until your project is complete. Don't stop what the Lord started in you.

Write the book you've been dreaming of writing.

Did you find this helpful?
What questions did this trigger?
Would you like to hear more about writing?

Your comments, shares, and reviews are gold. Thanks for reading. I look forward to the next blog post. Hope you have a wonderful day. You are love! May this post be a light for any project you are working on. It doesn't have to be a book my friends.

You may find this post Answer Two or More helpful.

Flip a Coin

Wrestling with God makes for tasty conversations.

The Lord gives us visions of new things for our future. He wants us to talk with Him. He wants to discuss new things headed our way. This allows us to break-through the small things. Small things along the way non-worthy to Him or not representative by His plan for our lives.

Over a two-week holiday break from Bible study, I pondered over new things. One being which Bible study to attend for the new year. Praying over things, even something as small as which Bible study, helps bring clarity. Our vision aligning with His plan navigates our future with purpose. His purpose. His calling. For. Our. Life.

Each week, I meet with a group at my church. The group is called MOMs. You may know of a group similar to this called MOPs. Maybe your church has one or you've heard others talking about it. MOMs and MOPs basically are the same. Only difference: MOMs is geared towards mothers with all age children, MOPs is geared towards mothers with preschoolers only.

One day out of the month at MOMs we meet as a large group for breakfast, worship, fellowship and have a speaker. The other weeks we meet for Bible study.

Semester to Semester - August-December January-May - we start a new Bible study. Leaders often change semester to semester. I even led one semester.

The church has a length approval system for the studies. We might not always know in an orderly fashion which study will be offered. What's the chain of command for approval? I don't have a clue. Trust. Believe. Wait. Patience. Is the name of the game.

Not knowing the Bible study or even the leaders, I begin praying. Praying for God's direction.

I even flipped a coin.

You see there's usually more than one study offered:

A Bible study study (I typically do): Beth Moore, Priscilla Shirer ect.
L3 (I have done this once before): a study tool my church offers to help you learn how to read the Bible. A different passage of scripture reading allotted each day. Then you journal, examine, apply to your life and pray.

Proverbs 18:18 Flipping a coin can end arguments; it settles disputes between powerful opponents.

Tails-my answer was L3.
Heads- His answer was the Bible study.

When I flipped the coin it landed on tails-L3. Victory rein in my heart. His voice even louder over my soul, "I already told you, Ashley. You will attend the Bible study."

I wrestled with Him, "Are you sure, Lord?"

L3 would be an easy out for me. 2016 is a big year for my family. My husband and I both turn 40. We will celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary. Our oldest daughter plans to attend a University in the Fall. Adjusting to an only child feeling left at home with my youngest. Somewhere in between, I want to conquer a passion of mine, finishing up publishing my second book.

L3 has a cool blogger/writer in there-
My heart longs to sit by her. I want to sap up knowledge being around her.

L3 has a leader I know. One I adore her leadership.

L3 my mouth waters when I pass their room. That's how it usually is with what we want or think we need, right?!

An announcement email came confirming the new study/leaders. God confirmed loud for the last time, "Do the Bible study." A giddy feeling, like a kid, rushed over my body. I heard Him. Bible study here I come. The study will be one of Kelly Minter's, What Love Is. I can't wait. I am so happy I listened.

Proverbs 16:33 We may throw the dice, but the LORD determines how they fall.

I don't recommend flipping a coin with God. He does not want to argue with us. We are not His powerful opponent. He is the almighty powerful One.

Ways to help seek His vision for our life:

His word-the Bible
Conscience He built in us
Counsel from other godly people
Prayer

We've got to look, listen and be alert for His calling over our lives.

Ephesians 3:20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,

Do you look?
Do you listen?
Are you alert?

Prayer Hanger

Today marks a week since 

a friend of my daughters 

she just graduated high school with

had surgery to drain fluid 

off her brain. 

After an accidental fall 

involving hitting her 

head further testing 

was done revealing the fluid 

on her brain.

In addition to the fluid, a tumor 

was found as well. The tumor is located 

in a position making it non 

removable. 

We went to the hospital the 

day of her surgery. I stood in the hallway

talking to her mother while my 

daughter and another friend 

went in to ICU

to visit her.

Her mother and I briefly 

spoke about the occurring events

of the course of the last week of their lives.

She asked me to be in prayer with 

them the tumor would vanish. 

I firmly felt lead to share with her my feelings 

as well as my prayer. The sudden urge to share was 

my confidence in our ultimate healer. Feeling His presence, 

I felt certain to share with her that upon further 

testing in the further I believe

the tumor will have vanished. 

Be in prayer with me…

I made this little sign 

right before we walked out the door

heading to the hospital.

The cardboard was pre cut by myself sizing 

3x3. I quickly looked in my paper scrap bucket. 

Maps always jump out at me so I grabbed a 

piece. It didn't feel right. It was not of

good sizing for this project. Turning back to 

the paper scrap bucket I saw a larger size 

piece of map. I laid it on the cardboard 

and firmly pressed where I wanted the 

map to be torn. I tore it placing it perfectly in the center 

of the cardboard with a slit amount of cardboard 

exposure all the way around. I used matte decopage to 

securely glueing the map to the cardboard. 

I covered the empty space of cardboard 

with a light turquoise acrylic paint using my finger 

tip. See in the picture below it's dried

on my finger tip.  

I carried this project down stairs out from my studio

bring my bucket of markers. I used a red marker

creating a heart shape largely in the middle of 

the map piece. Doodling around the heart 

with a yellow and placing #pray4ak with a 

black marker in the center of the 

heart.

Topping everything off I used a piece on twine after 

poking two holes in the top of the cardboard with a kitchen knife. 

That's why I came down from the studio. I couldn't find 

my blade I normally use. Hubby's right I craft 

everywhere.

This project was fun, easy and fast. 

Completely honored to make for a great person, 

a great cause. I love this precious girl as if she's my own.

#pray4ak

Funny story to add with this. My daughters other friend

met us at the local grocery. They wanted to run in and get 

flowers along with a card. I waited in the car. When they 

returned my daughter set the flowers in 

the floorboard. I notice they looked different.

I leaned over to touch them. They were artificial!

"Oh honey" I explained "these are artificial". They claimed to 

have been talking while flower shopping not even noticing. Off 

they went back in the store to return the artificial flowers. When they 

returned to the car a beautiful basket of red, white and yellow 

flowers was in my daughters hands. It's was perfect. 

Only they still didn't get a card!

The next time you set off to visit 

someone in the hospital or for any matter 

really consider making a sign for them letting them 

know you are praying for them. 

You save time and money making for a more 

meaning gift they can keep for a life time. 

The sign was hung in her hospital room and 

even made it's way in a collage picture of her 

coming home from the hospital her mother posted on Facebook.

Still praying…

#pray4ak