To write, To teach

I am at a point in my life of wanting

to find a balance. A different kinda balance,

a balance that will fit my life at the moment

of being the stay home mom that I am.

One reason I rid photographing weddings,

by putting my camera on the shelf is the amount

of time it took away from my family on Saturdays.

Needing to find something more to do during

the week while every ones at school and work.

No ones getting married during those hours,

well at least not in my neck of the woods!

So for the past year after launching the sales

of my book (a tiny glimpse of inspiration of

my life already) I 've given myself alittle

free play time, still in the art world

with paint brushes, canvas, journals

etc. but I am thinking it's time to

move forward into alittle more.

More being one of two things or both:

1. writing another book, something fun,

something beyond what I've mentioned

in the past I would do, my list of books to write!

2. teaching an online art class, a personal

mix media art class.

Writing a book from my already list would

require me rumbling in some old emotions

and because I've done that with my first book

and the point I am at in my life I am thinking it's

not healthy. Being called to do something alittle more

fun, alittle more of a challenge, away from something

I am not so already attached to, I need a place

I can dream, dream and be free! A relaxing playground

yet that would still be inspiring to others.

I already have an ISBN number

I already have the knowledge, the in's and out's

of publishing a book. (layout, design, print, proof)

I just would need to plot out a good story,

have lots of time for hours of writing, have an editor

on stand by, etc.

I've always wanted to teach something, something

I am knowledgeable in. Teaching an online mix

media art class would so be up my alley. It would

be video classes taught so that the students could

work at their own pace in the comfort of their

own home. All I would need is a good video

recorder, editing, uploading videos, have private

class access, a private facebook group-for students

sharing class work, plan the class, create prompts,

etc. Even though this may seem like more to do it's mainly

because I've never done it before. And boy, oh boy, do

I love a challenge, a time to learn something new.

My thoughts are what do others think!?

Which one should I do, or should I do both!?

Tell me, tell me....

l'll never look at another sunflower the same...

Days go on...

As many of you know the dentist

I last worked for (eight years ago)

battled pancreatic cancer

and went to be

with his Lord

and Savior

on

June 14, 2012

Among preparing for

the visitation, I spoke with

his dental assistant-whom has been a very dear

friend of mine since before her and I were of driving age.

She was telling me about

the flowers she ordered, how

specific she was in ordering them.

I knew she did this because

she wanted them to be

perfect for him!

And they were!

At the visitation,

I asked her to show me. I knew for my sake,

my eyes must land upon these

special ordered flowers.

When she showed me,

I was mesmerized,

the beauty was unreal!

I seriously wanted

to pull out my iPhone and take a picture,

but felt it was very inappropriate

for the occasion.

So fighting myself off,

I continued to look, feel,

touch the hummingbird placed

in the center of miniature sunflowers.

Sunflowers just like I saw

earlier that week behind a coffee

shop, I insisted my daughter

stop the car for me to

photograph.

She wouldn't stop!

My endless photographs

drive my family crazy.

My hands still touching the

hummingbird as his assistant

tells me her story about ordering.

She wanted it to be "very" outdoorsy!

His closed casket was behind me covered

with an American flag!

She continued to talk,

we had just walked through his line

of family hugging each ones neck.

I really wanted that picture.

I just couldn't do it. So I listened to her as I

continued to touch the precious soft hummingbird!

Greenier surrounded the sunflowers

along with wooden branches

and other miscellaneous 

arrangement pieces giving it 

a outdoorsy look for sure. 

Outdoorsy!

I exited the room.

On my way out, I noticed

another arrangement had those

same miniature sunflowers.

The next day at the funeral service,

my husband and I entered from the side

of the church which took us to the front

of the already filled church sanctuary.

Upon his assistants eyes landing on us,

she point to the church pew right in front of her,

it was half empty, but was so close to the front.

Down front was the closed casket with a

few flower arrangements. One was with the

miniature sunflowers, I couldn't keep my eyes off

of it!

Days later,

my mom came out to be

with me and the kids for the day.

I planned a day of painting,

painting a sunflower

using watercolors.

My mom is not big into

what she calls "art". My goodness

she's a retired hairdresser, that's art in itself!

Silly woman!

this is my sunflower painting

in memory of Dr. Buchanan

upper left is my oldest daughters

upper right is my moms

lower left is my youngest daughters

and

lower right is mine

Mom was amazed how different

they all looked. And she was right,

they do look different,

to me that's the beauty

of art!

I wasn't able to visit with Dr.  B.

once he was diagnosed, but was just in

his office two weeks prior for some dental work.

We had a really good visited!

Upon waiting for my next appointment,

I couldn't wait. I had so many things I wanted to

tell him, tell him about my eight

years being at home.

I finally worked the nerve up!

Working a nerve up because for

so long I felt like a failure leaving him.

I wanted to share the beauty that God has

so gracefully splashed over my life

that I never in a million years would dream

of. I guess that's kinda how life

goes no matter

where you

work!

Being it was a very hard thing for me to

leave his office, because of how

special he was, it was an

honor to work for him,

with him.

He was such a father figure,

he reminded me so much of my father.

I've spent many of days lonely, lost at home.

Why God, why on this earth would

you want to put me at home.

I loved my job.

I seriously grieved over him,

over my job

eight years ago,

which makes it so

hard to watch everyone

now

but

know there is hope

and healing

in time!

Over the course of years 

being at home

 God has showed me

so many things about my life,

about me, my family.

He aloud me to fully open up my heart in

sharing my own cancer battle

in my book. Something I know

I could have never done while working.

It was a time of healing

and was very rewarding.

Alongside a time I saw my marriage

blossom in a new direction.

God seriously took me from the work force

to allow me to see my life

from a different

perspective.

Because I wasn't able

to see Dr. B for my next visit,

I hold the peace of the visit I did have

with him. We had good

conversation, about life, family, etc.

So maybe what else I wanted to share

with him, he really already knew

because he was a smart man

like that!

Here's my view

of our last visit...

this is how I will always remember

him, him looking down on

me giving that peaceful

injection!

One things for sure,

I'll never look at another sunflower the same.

I'll always think of

Dr. B.

In fact, I am thinking of planting

some next year in my

yard in memory of him.

Why don't you

join me!

Random thoughts

Do you ever wonder

if your not following someone on

instagram, but your following them on

facebook you might be missing something!?

I wish you could put a CD in

your ipad to download music!

This whole icloud thing has it's

disadvantages...

I really love it when someones

facebook status inspires me,

reminding me to be the better me!

I don't get on pinterest near as much

as I first did!

Getting an iPhone and having instagram

is the best thing creatively that's happen

to me!

I want to teach an online mix media art class!

I want to write another book, something

really inspiring, fictional that's not been on

my books to write list already!

My new favorite food is broccoli,

red and yellow bell peppers stemmed!

I am glad I've never had to rid negative

people from my life, only because I never

let them in in the first place.

Everything

In my morning quit time before the children awake

on this glorious summer day,

I reflect back at some old notes

written in my journal at the beginning of the summer!

Here's another turtle findings by our dog,

I wondered what she was tossing around

and chewing like a bone.

When I suddenly realize it was a turtle!

Bless his little heart, see the little

scratches on his outer shell!?

and the doggie lay rest in disappointment

I took the turtle away,

while the turtle lay

in his new home!

This little piggy went to the

MARKET! My youngest daughter

loves to treat us by making us

chocolate chip muffins...

I heart summer mornings!

I heart my quit time!

A reminder to myself,

what I struggle with

is not who I am!