Blog LOVE

I am back!

I've wanted to say that for many of days now!

"I am back!" as much as I can be.

I know several have checked on me

realizing I've been missing in action

and I thank you for that, your prayers

and concerns have been felt for sure!

One even said, I had them scared! Oh no,

not as scared as I was I can promise you that!

For those who haven't a clue I've been missing,

just where have I been!? Well that's a good

question. But, I'll start with what I know!

The night of May 5th my life forever changed!

I was at a restaurant with just me and my

youngest daughter and choked! My daughter

instantly knew something was wrong and said,

"do I need to call dad?" Luckily, I was

able to pay and get to my vehicle and call my

husband! We paid the ER a visit, they gave me

an injection to dislodge the food and another to calm

me down! I panicked way beyond disbelief. I have never

been so scared in my life! They told me to visit the GI

clinic that following week to see what was up!

Because I think I am Wonder Woman

and don't go to the doctor

for every little thing, I was certain I'd heal on

my own. The week went on knowing something wasn't

still right! I couldn't eat and if I did manage to

get something down I'd have weird sensations

afterwards. As if my body thought

it was to go into a panic everytime

I ate. Which caused more worrying,

more panic!

That Friday night got pretty bad.

I can't really go into full details right now

only because I am still trying to heal

mental from all this. And to rehash all of it

right now I am not sure is a healthy thing to do.

Maybe one day in the future I can give you

moment by moment details of just what all this

has been like for me. What all my symptoms were,

what all my husband witness! My grandmother says

it will be the sequel to My Book! I guess she

might be right, the emotional side of life

after cancer!

That following Saturday night I landed in the ER

once again. Dehydrated! Staying the night there,

waking in the middle of the night in a full

blown panic attack and the next morning,

Mother's Day, had an upper GI.

The sweet little gracious doctor talked

with the hubby and said it really wasn't nothing big

or bad. He stretched my esophagus and I should be good

to go. Meaning I should be fine!

Well, I slept alot that afternoon because of the

meds they gave me to do the procedure.

Monday morning, it was very clear to me that I

wasn't "fine"! I was still very weak. I could

only eat pretty much Popsicles and alittle Jello.

I called my mother to come be with me.

We were so puzzled!

I was having very unexplained panic attacks,

still couldn't eat, couldn't sleep! All I did was

lay around! My mother had to do all my cooking

and laundry!

The hubby made me an appointment

with the primary doctor that Wednesday.

She treated me for anxiety/ panic/

depression-if you wish!!!! Yes, she prescribed me

antidepressants. Gosh oh me oh my! Never in my life

thought I would take them yet alone thought I would be

that bad off to agree to! I was bad off! I seriously think

a breaker flipped in my body through all the trauma

of the choking. Plus all the trauma in my past,

I am not sure my body could keep up! My mind

worrying could there really be something else

wrong! I wasn't getting any better!

Those pills were a joke for me. I know so many people

who take them or have taking them to get them through

something. Those things like to have killed me! I am better

off to work through this myself.

So here I am in week 4. I am more functional, but

still can only eat like soups, warm slimy stuff.

Test after test

have been done to rule out stuff!

(Esophagus Cancer, thyroid cancer, etc.)

Especially with my health history there was lots of

concerns. Nothing has come to reason as to why any

of this has happen or is happening. Everything

comes back clear and with that I had

to make the decision to move on

and stop the testing to see if I get better!

When I say "today is better than yesterday"

I really mean it, but I am tired of saying it!

The baby steps are so hard!

I drove for the first time last week!

I went to church for the first time this Sunday!

I sneezed for the first time yesterday!

I sang along to my music on my ipad for the first

time yesterday! (I didn't sing at church Sunday)

I've made it through a first of sitting in a restaurant!

I know that sounds so stupid, but if you

could only be here or in this body of mine

you would know those things are BIG!

This has been the biggest damper on my home life!

I've had my days of crying (and I am not a crier)

because I am so over this!

I just want me back!

Please, please pray that I wake up one day

and it's all gone! Thanks for listening

and I am glad to share!

big hugs to all of you,

ashley :)

-----------------------

I actually wrote this post last week

and doing so much better since I wrote it!

The attacks are slowly disappearing and my

food intake has increased, I am getting there

slowly but surely! I am literally having to retrain

my mind and body how to eat, that it's okay

to eat. That eating is healthy not an endangerment

and nothing else is wrong with me. Prayers are still

welcomed. I am certain none of us

must walk alone!

P.S.

Here's what I know:

that me being a cancer survivor

has nothing to do with what happen to me

to begin with but what I do know is how my

mind reacted(being in the hospital, having 

test, the way doctors reacted about some

bloodwork) lead my body to react in ways

that lead me to believe more was wrong,

which then caused more to be wrong,

it was a vicious cycle!

FYI: I am not psycho! (I just pretend to be)

BlOg HoP-the art of WILD abandonment

YOU made iT!

I am guessing you hopped over from

craftydscreations. That's my buddy who made

"coffee time" art journal page.

You can check it out over

at her blog! I am sure it's a few

blog post down by now.

WeLcOmE, WeLcOmE

to my little world, ashley's art closet!

I am so, so glad you are here! To learn more about me

you can click on the about me tab at the top of this blog

or simply click here-about me.

As most of you already know

I've been taking the Art of Wild Abandonment

online workshop by Junelle Jacobsen

and Christy Tomlinson

so can you click here:

the-art-of-wild-abandonment-workshop

Each week Junelle

teaches the class and

Christy shares her take on it all

one time a week. Below

was inspired by

Christy's week one...

These are my watercolor crayons,

I used for the above picture.

Junelle uses Neocolor Water Soluable Pastels.

I wish I would have

waited and purchase like what

she uses but my local art store

doesn't carry them. And actually didn't

know the difference in the two

until I got home looking at them.

Same thing on this one

sketch and watercolor

crayons...

Take time OUT:

1. Laugh! Laugh again...

2. Let others know where your light comes from!

3. Look at what's in front of you, not the person next to you!

Another take,

another day in Junelles class,

walk a day in my shoes....

created by me

as a stay home mom this one

came straight from my heart.

I can so see this one as my next

book cover. Walk a Day in my

Shoes: stories of a stay home mom.

I tell myself all the time if I had

all this time to create all the art,

write all the books and take

all the pictures that come to my mind

would be so awesome then I stop and think...

I already have a job...

One of the things Junelle

teaches is looking at what's around you

and sketch it. This woman is known

for her sketches now..

While at a local sandwhich shop one

afternoon, my eyes were wondering,

kinda like they do when I am

looking for a picture to take,

I saw the cutest little girl!

So I used a napkin and a pen from

my purse. Isn't it so

stinkin cute!?

So I did more once

I got home...

aren't these just the cutest girls ever,

I can't keep my eyes off of them...

more thumbnails sketches...

One of the big things about taking

Christy's classes is her

online mix media store.

She gives discount when you

sign up for one of her classes!

Above are

things I purchased this go around

from Christy.

Thanks so much for stopping in..

I hope you will visit back some time soon. If you would like look

at the very bottom of my blog where it says followers, you can

click follow this blog to add yourself to the list.

Oh and leave me a comment below,

I'd love to hear what you have to say...

To continue on in the fun of this hop

click on journeyofamermaid to see what

she's up to. I also see she is doing the 29 face challenge!

What fun, wish I had the time

to join that fun!

Want to join the fun!?

Jump on over to clairesmillie

for more of this blog hop!



p.s. I want to be

Junelle

and

 Christy

when I grow up!!!

Beautiful and Bald Barbie

You've heard it on national news,

local news, yahoo's top story

and facebook, the beautiful and bald Barbie!

My photographer and

small cancer group friend Jane Bingham

is the founder of the facebook page called

Beautiful and Bald Barbie. I have known Jane

for several of many years now. And it's no surprise

to me that Jane has made it this far with

this movement! Jane is a very passionate,

like myself, when it comes to helping

others. All I can say is how proud I am of her

and proud to call her my friend!

To let you in alittle closer

of just who Jane is,  I am

including a self portrait of her prior to chemo

and after chemo!

I also had the honor of doing an interview
with Jane about the Beautiful and Bald Barbie:

Okay Jane take me back to the day all this started?

I wanted to make a difference in the lives of those women and children who live with hair loss, are ashamed and embarrassed to be seen in public without their hair. Help them become accepted, children less teased and all less started at. To reduce the stigma for women and children with baldness. To bring awareness to childhood cancer and the need for less toxic treatments and cures, to bring awareness to alopecia and Trichotillomania and the effects conditions like these have on the who have them and how we can help change that.


Have you ever been on TV before this?

Nope, never been on TV before this and had no aspirations to be on TV.


How does it feel that you have connected so many people with such a common ground?

The word "amazing" is over used these days but it truly has been amazing. The community bonding that been built through this movement has been nothing short of wonderful.


Has it been somewhat a roll coaster from week one to week now?

It has been a roller coaster ride but very little dips...it has almost all been a thrilling ride up.


What are somethings you are doing to help this movement along?

We have been successful in getting the attention of two major toys companies. MGA which makes Bratz and Moxie dolls is making a bald line called True Hope that will be for sale at ToysRUs starting in June with a portion of proceeds going to City of Hope Hospital.

Mattel has made the decision to make a limited production of a bald friend of Barbie that will be donated to and distributed by the children's hospitals and The National Alopecia Areata Foundation.

I want these dolls available to everyone around the world who wants one. I am petitioning Mattel to sell them to the public as well as their donated ones.

How has it affected your daily home life?

Yes, This has become a full time job. My days consist of media interviews, working on the Facebook pages, corresponding with the toy companies, beginning our branch off organization called The Beautiful and Bald Movement which provides "decorating domes" packages. These are packages for children and women who are living with hair loss to help them celebrate themselves, build their self confidence, have fun with their bald heads and know that people care about and love them just as they are.

Would you do it over again?

Absolutely!

What's the one point you really want others to gain from this?

That your self worth is not dependent on your hair...and further...your self worth is not dependent on your height, your skin color, the brand of clothes you wear...your self worth is dependent upon how YOU look at YOU, who you are on the inside will shine on the outside.

How can others continue to help?

Sign the petition to get the Mattel dolls on shelves to be sold to everyone. Purchase the True Hope line of dolls at ToysRUs. Join the The Beautiful and Bald Movement...donate supplies for packages, send notes to add to our packages, donate monetarily to help cover shipping costs of packages and supplies.


Perfect Jane, I really enjoyed hearing your

outlook from this point of view regarding my questions
about the Beautiful and Bald Barbie movement!
Thank you!

Why sign a petition!?

This is the update on the Beautiful and Bald Barbie
Mattle made an announcement on March, 27 2012
that they were making the bald Barbie but they would
not be available for public sales,-retail,
rather they would be available for
donations direct to the children:

Play is vital for children, especially during difficult times. We are pleased to share with our community that next year we will be producing a fashion doll, that will be a friend of Barbie, which will include wigs, hats, scarves and other ...fashion accessories to provide girls with a traditional fashion play experience. For those girls who choose, the wigs and head coverings can be interchanged or completely removed. We will work with our longstanding partner, the Children’s Hospital Association, to donate and distribute the dolls exclusively to children’s hospitals directly reaching girls who are most affected by hair loss. A limited number of dolls and monetary donations will also be made to CureSearch for Children’s Cancer and the National Alopecia Areata Foundation.

Through a thoughtful approach, we made the decision not to sell these dolls at retail stores, but rather get the dolls directly into the hands of children who can most benefit from the unique play experience, demonstrating Mattel’s ongoing commitment to encourage play as a respite for children in the hospital and to bring joy to children who need it most. We appreciate the conversation around this issue, and are interested to hear what you think!

So Jane is setting out now
to get them made for retail sales!
Here's the link once more for the petition
to help get this done,

Sign the petition to get the Mattel dolls on shelves

Here's my spin on all this, I created my version
of bald dolls, bald art! They are made on cardboard
pieces I've collected over time. I also used
acrylic paints, pencil pastels,
watercolors, paint pens, burlap,
book pages, and so much more
from my art studio! Let me know
what you think!

 " i heart bald "

8x10 $20

 " she walks all  her roads in beauty "

5x10 $15

" she is beautifully bald "

 10x12 $25

stand is additional

-each one may vary in looks-

$15

these can easily be prop ups

or I can place a twine hanger

on the back for you

above is the backs

of the bald art

These are the only sizes available

at this time. 

A portions of proceeds will be

donated to a cancer

foundation of choice!

Thanks Jane for encouraging my

bald art dolls!

Have you heard of the beautiful and bald Barbie?

Are you on their facebook page?

Have you signed the petition?

Please share some love by commenting below, thanks!

I know Jane will love to see what other's have to say!

You can contact me at ashleysartcloset@yahoo.com

to make plans of purchasing one of my bald art dolls!

Fast Lane

It seems my life has been rolling
in the fast lane since pretty much
before Easter.

This time of year everything begins
to go by fast when school is about to
wrap up for the summer.

A few weeks ago, I shared that I was
working on a guest blog post, well here it is
young-liver-cancer-survivor-paints-portrait-of-hope!

Thanks Tami!