Small things...

This weekend while cleaning alittle deeper
than just everyday cleaning, my ipod was playing...
keep in mind my ipod hasn't been updated in along time!!!

Carrie Underwood "So Small" caught me completely off guard,
not realizing this song was even on my ipod.
Carrie's not my top fav singer!
UHhhhh, mainly because I like so many...
I heart MUSIC...!!!

May her song speak to you in away,
touching your heart,
as mine was.



Check this out, on a local radio show this afternoon
I heard she is making donations something to do with
breast cancer and she also made a stop to her hometown,
singing this same song...this is awesome,
check it out !!!

Why do i keep my HaNd in....???

In cancer that is,
most days I want to run
as far as Egypt, actually I can't even run a mile...

This would be about like me saying forget your daddy,
forget he died when you were twenty, never think of him again
and you will be pain free. That's not the case, you can't throw
your past behind you, even if your a survivor of the most
common monster in this generation.

My life for five years consist of words no one absolutely wants
to hear, CANCER....
blood work, CT scans, MRI's, needles, health questionnaire,
insurance, bills, scars, doctor's office, hospital, cards, flowers
food, pain meds, wrist bands, uncomfortable people,
people praying, lonely days, medical personal,
parking places, missed days of work,
no pay check, x-rays, routine check-ups, sweaty palms,
speechless days, elevators, charts, nasty prep drink,
you get my point right...?

All of that probably makes you uncomfortable,
to the point you don't know how to relate to me
and that's okay if you can't but the population of people
who can relate is unfortunately growing.

Either way I am glad you are here, reading...

I am not gonna talk to you about cancer unless you want
to talk about it. And you can read or not read.

So, I am not stuck in my past, actually I am a very happy person,
but if I were to sit back never leaving that door open as to what
I have been through, there could be someone out there
wanting to connect with someone who has been down a few roads
I have been. I remember longing for those days
of being able to relate with someone else...
Not until last year did I start connecting with other cancer related
people, my soul was cleansed in a way that was long over due !!!

Since then I have met over a hand full of people who have or had the same
type of cancer as I did, FHC, which is said to be rare !
Now I know my case and their cases are different,
no doubt, from testing, doctors, states, countries,
treatment and so forth, but I am here to tell you I am glad to have
them as I am sure they are glad to have me,
several I found on my own, others have found me...

So to all my FHC brothers and sisters I love you guys more than you will ever know,
I am rooting for you...!

2005 was the year my doctor released me as cancer free,
come back only if you have symptoms, to me that is strange,
I wasn't having symptoms to begin with. The survival field is
a whole new league to me, one others long for, one others will
never reach.

Which league are you on?
What door do you leave open from your past,
for others to connect,
knowing they aren't alone?

If you are a FHC person, I would love to hear from you!
ashley :)

Cancer Chicks PJ Party 2009

Cancer Chicks, what?

These pictures reveal a special bond,
a bond no one can understand,
unless they have been touched by
the nasty monster,
CANCER!!!

Me having had cancer is not something
I want to talk about most days, but spring of last year
when I ventured out on a photography forum
sharing about my writing of my cancer journey,
a new door opened for me.

It was then and there, right among photographers,
I found others who have been touch by the "C" word,
it becomes exhausting to constantly say cancer!

A photography forum is not a place for cancer,
actually no place is, although the group of photographers
are like family! This is when my fellow photographer sister
said okay I am starting a small cancer group, wallah,
and we had Cancer Chicks.

Although most of the group is from the
photography forum, the door is still open for others,
and others are members.

A place behind close doors, we can share anything
and everything , from first being diagnosed, treatment,
to surviving, all because you feel misunderstood
in the outside world but yet we still are expected
and do keep on living, we even talk about death.

A fear we all fight once hearing the "C" word!
Like living in slow motion waiting to see if the plane
is to hit the trade center or not.

On April 24th of this year, the group lost it's first member.

A day that made me madder than anything, it's hard
for me to see others lose their life, due to the "C" word,
when my life was spared for now, just like it's hard to
see one still fighting. Why did I get the GO pass....???

After our loss, the group was rather quiet for several days!

Out of ragging desire of what the group means,
a PJ party was planned, in stone,
something we talked about before our loss,
but never took
place.

Quickly, most of the group made plans for the PJ party.

A condo was provided, free of charge,
by another fellow photographer sister, noncancerous,
lucky her, but lucky cancer chicks...
Whew Whee...!!!

Destin, Florida here we come,
unfortunately, I was unable to attend,
for numerous reasons,
I will spare
you!

Plane tickets as far as New Jersey, Indiana,
Kansas all were arranged free of charge also,
not certain of those details. Most of the group going,
had never even step foot on a flying metal bullet,
as they called it,
a plane.

Reaching the Atlanta airport, three of four,
all at different times, meeting each other for the first time
in person, said it was like meeting up with an old friend.
Aboard another plane together, all three members, flew to Destin.
The condo provider and the fourth member of the group,
who arrived a day earlier,
came to the airport with red rose in hand,
for pick up. A fact stressed, the drive to the condo
from the airport was longer than the flight down
and back!

June 18-21, Father's Day weekend,
late night talks, hot days,afternoon walks on the beach,
sand in between toes, group photo shoot,
in the ocean, dinner, all for lasting
memories.

Ones I am not part of but with open arms
I am still part of the group,for them, them for me, giggles...
They call me their cheerleader, please I am no where near
cheerleader material but okay, whatever!
Ask them how hard headed I am about the group, feeling certain
whether I belong in the group or not,
not because of not going on the trip,
but just in general...

The answer to that is for another blog entry! or is it???

Back home, each one reported to the group,
thrown right back into to reality, as they put it!

Just as I am honored to share their trip with you,
I am as honored to be a Cancer Chick,
thank you ladies....!!!



From left to right, back row,
Jane, Follicular Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma,
Chris, Breast Cancer, second time active, metastatic
front row,
Brenda, Rectal, remission
Donna, Breast Cancer, remission
in the picture,
Lisa, Colon, our lost member.

Each one of these ladies, have families,
they are mothers, wives, sisters, friends, cousins,
aunts, nieces, workers, etc.....!!!

I am still here...

Are you...???

Boy, has life been traveling in the fast lane!

Monday, I am gonna kick back off...blogging again,
can't wait!!!

See you then...

ashley :)