Monday, August 24, 2009

Why do i keep my HaNd in....???

In cancer that is,
most days I want to run
as far as Egypt, actually I can't even run a mile...

This would be about like me saying forget your daddy,
forget he died when you were twenty, never think of him again
and you will be pain free. That's not the case, you can't throw
your past behind you, even if your a survivor of the most
common monster in this generation.

My life for five years consist of words no one absolutely wants
to hear, CANCER....
blood work, CT scans, MRI's, needles, health questionnaire,
insurance, bills, scars, doctor's office, hospital, cards, flowers
food, pain meds, wrist bands, uncomfortable people,
people praying, lonely days, medical personal,
parking places, missed days of work,
no pay check, x-rays, routine check-ups, sweaty palms,
speechless days, elevators, charts, nasty prep drink,
you get my point right...?

All of that probably makes you uncomfortable,
to the point you don't know how to relate to me
and that's okay if you can't but the population of people
who can relate is unfortunately growing.

Either way I am glad you are here, reading...

I am not gonna talk to you about cancer unless you want
to talk about it. And you can read or not read.

So, I am not stuck in my past, actually I am a very happy person,
but if I were to sit back never leaving that door open as to what
I have been through, there could be someone out there
wanting to connect with someone who has been down a few roads
I have been. I remember longing for those days
of being able to relate with someone else...
Not until last year did I start connecting with other cancer related
people, my soul was cleansed in a way that was long over due !!!

Since then I have met over a hand full of people who have or had the same
type of cancer as I did, FHC, which is said to be rare !
Now I know my case and their cases are different,
no doubt, from testing, doctors, states, countries,
treatment and so forth, but I am here to tell you I am glad to have
them as I am sure they are glad to have me,
several I found on my own, others have found me...

So to all my FHC brothers and sisters I love you guys more than you will ever know,
I am rooting for you...!

2005 was the year my doctor released me as cancer free,
come back only if you have symptoms, to me that is strange,
I wasn't having symptoms to begin with. The survival field is
a whole new league to me, one others long for, one others will
never reach.

Which league are you on?
What door do you leave open from your past,
for others to connect,
knowing they aren't alone?

If you are a FHC person, I would love to hear from you!
ashley :)

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