Thursday, July 19, 2012

l'll never look at another sunflower the same...

Days go on...




As many of you know the dentist
I last worked for (eight years ago)
battled pancreatic cancer
and went to be
with his Lord
and Savior
on

Among preparing for
the visitation, I spoke with
his dental assistant-whom has been a very dear
friend of mine since before her and I were of driving age.
She was telling me about
the flowers she ordered, how
specific she was in ordering them.
I knew she did this because
she wanted them to be
perfect for him!

And they were!

At the visitation,
I asked her to show me. I knew for my sake,
my eyes must land upon these
special ordered flowers.

When she showed me,
I was mesmerized,
the beauty was unreal!
I seriously wanted
to pull out my iPhone and take a picture,
but felt it was very inappropriate
for the occasion.

So fighting myself off,
I continued to look, feel,
touch the hummingbird placed
in the center of miniature sunflowers.

Sunflowers just like I saw
earlier that week behind a coffee
shop, I insisted my daughter
stop the car for me to
photograph.
She wouldn't stop!
My endless photographs
drive my family crazy.

My hands still touching the
hummingbird as his assistant
tells me her story about ordering.
She wanted it to be "very" outdoorsy!

His closed casket was behind me covered
with an American flag!

She continued to talk,
we had just walked through his line
of family hugging each ones neck.
I really wanted that picture.
I just couldn't do it. So I listened to her as I
continued to touch the precious soft hummingbird!
Greenier surrounded the sunflowers
along with wooden branches
and other miscellaneous 
arrangement pieces giving it 
a outdoorsy look for sure. 

Outdoorsy!

I exited the room.

On my way out, I noticed
another arrangement had those
same miniature sunflowers.

The next day at the funeral service,
my husband and I entered from the side
of the church which took us to the front
of the already filled church sanctuary.
Upon his assistants eyes landing on us,
she point to the church pew right in front of her,
it was half empty, but was so close to the front.

Down front was the closed casket with a
few flower arrangements. One was with the
miniature sunflowers, I couldn't keep my eyes off
of it!

Days later,
my mom came out to be
with me and the kids for the day.
I planned a day of painting,
painting a sunflower
using watercolors.

My mom is not big into
what she calls "art". My goodness
she's a retired hairdresser, that's art in itself!
Silly woman!


this is my sunflower painting
in memory of Dr. Buchanan

upper left is my oldest daughters
upper right is my moms
lower left is my youngest daughters
and
lower right is mine

Mom was amazed how different
they all looked. And she was right,
they do look different,
to me that's the beauty
of art!

I wasn't able to visit with Dr.  B.
once he was diagnosed, but was just in
his office two weeks prior for some dental work.
We had a really good visited!

Upon waiting for my next appointment,
I couldn't wait. I had so many things I wanted to
tell him, tell him about my eight
years being at home.
I finally worked the nerve up!
Working a nerve up because for
so long I felt like a failure leaving him.
I wanted to share the beauty that God has
so gracefully splashed over my life
that I never in a million years would dream
of. I guess that's kinda how life
goes no matter
where you
work!

Being it was a very hard thing for me to
leave his office, because of how
special he was, it was an
honor to work for him,
with him.
He was such a father figure,
he reminded me so much of my father.
I've spent many of days lonely, lost at home.
Why God, why on this earth would
you want to put me at home.
I loved my job.
I seriously grieved over him,
over my job
eight years ago,
which makes it so
hard to watch everyone
now
but
know there is hope
and healing
in time!

Over the course of years 
being at home
 God has showed me
so many things about my life,
about me, my family.
He aloud me to fully open up my heart in
sharing my own cancer battle
in my book. Something I know
I could have never done while working.
It was a time of healing
and was very rewarding.
Alongside a time I saw my marriage
blossom in a new direction.
God seriously took me from the work force
to allow me to see my life
from a different
perspective.

Because I wasn't able
to see Dr. B for my next visit,
I hold the peace of the visit I did have
with him. We had good
conversation, about life, family, etc.

So maybe what else I wanted to share
with him, he really already knew
because he was a smart man
like that!


Here's my view
of our last visit...
this is how I will always remember
him, him looking down on
me giving that peaceful
injection!

One things for sure,
I'll never look at another sunflower the same.
I'll always think of
Dr. B.
In fact, I am thinking of planting
some next year in my
yard in memory of him.
Why don't you
join me!


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