Lost at sea...

Not hardly,
I know here this blog has been sitting,
no one to update, make regular entries.

How is it that hours, days, weeks and months
can go by so fast and all of sudden its
Christmas time, since my last post.

Well I probably could sum it up right fast.

October...my grandmother, actually my step grandmother,
had back surgery. Luckily she is fully recovering,
she was to the point of using a walker just to walk,
now bye bye walker.

November...is my youngest daughters birthday month.
I spent at least three weeks planing here special party
Cowgirl theme, space jump, gold dig, old town... which
was three boxes from a furniture store, made into a jail,
soda salon and a best western. It rained on the party day,
but we still had a party!

a week later was Thanksgiving!

December....wow, where did October and November go?
I am finished shopping, now its time to wrap.
The kids have exams, Christmas party and half days.

Christmas is a week away!

So does this mean I forgot about the book?
Are you kidding me, between everything I have managed
to work a very minimum on it, corrections, take aways
and reorganizing. Also this has giving me time to really
think through some things, to help me understand why I need
to take away and reorganize...so needless to say I am thankful
for this time, although I wish things were moving faster.

One of the biggest things about me writing about my Cancer journey,
is the fact of not understanding just why I am doing it, meaning its
not for me or about me. I will tell you just like I told my husband
last night, in one of the very FEW conversations we have had about my
writing, due to the fact of me being this weird sick twisted person
who absolute dislike to talk about deep heart things, I am a pretty private
person, so I don't know why I am to write about this journey, I just
know I am supposed to....

Laughter :)

I am diffidently an Izzy...mother always tells me
I laugh in such moments someone should be crying.



Do you laugh in times most are crying?
Do you watch Greys Anatomy, if so which character best fits you?

LIVESTRONG DAY...

Style

Today marks a week since I met with my editor!

Red marks by the dozens, I absolutely love
her out reach, her thoughts on the project as a whole...

On that afternoon when I picked my oldest daughter up
she was so excited, wanting to see what the editor said,
immediately she questions all the red marks,
mom do all the red marks bother you,
are you kidding me,
English teachers always had hay days with my school papers.
This was always so hard on me.
I knew back then my love for writing,
but it just wasn't in a grammatically correct manner...
so I was always overlooked!

What I did begin to struggle with when I got home setting down,
thinking about the marks, the book as a whole,
my confidence I once had was no where to be found,
in fact I shot an email to my editor,
thanking her for everything, but there's just no way
I can follow through with the book!

My mind begin to swim like crazy, trying to find the answer
to help the crazy feelings,
feelings of no book in print!

This is when blogs like :

Commonly misused words...

Past tense...

Sentence fragments...


begin to surface, that's my mind swimming, working, researching,
finding answers...me talking, me writing to myself...

Last night, I helped my daughter study for a vocabulary test.

One of the words was style, the definition,
is the manner in which a writer addresses a matter,
revealing the writer's personality or 'voice.'
It is the result of the choices the writer makes in
syntactical structures, diction, and figures of thought.

More self talk, self write...

Stream of consciousness

Prose

Using Sentence Fragments Effectively

So did I answer myself...

Answer, stay true to who I am, unique writing and all...

Now I have to get busy editing the wedding pictures
I am in the middle of, then off to making corrections
my editor left for me on my book...

Do you struggle writing, losing your confidence...?

Sentence fragments...

Sentence fragments

A phrase or clause that is punctuated and capitalized as a sentence but does not constitute a complete grammatical sentence.

Past tense...

Verb / Past Simple / Past Participle


arise / arose / arisen
babysit / babysat / babysat
be was / were been
beat / beat / beaten
become / became / become
bend / bent / bent
begin / began / begun
bet / bet / bet
bind / bound / bound
bite / bit / bitten
bleed / bled / bled
blow / blew / blown
break / broke/ broken
breed / bred / bred
bring / brought / brought
broadcast / broadcast / broadcast
build / built / built
buy/ bought / bought
catch/ caught/ caught
choose / chose / chosen
come / came / come
cost / cost / cost
cut / cut / cut
deal / dealt / dealt
dig / dug / dug
do / did / done
draw / drew / drawn
drink / drank / drunk
drive / drove / driven
eat / ate / eaten
fall / fell / fallen
feed /fed / fed
feel / felt / felt
fight/ fought / fought
find / found / found
fly /flew / flown
forbid / forbade / forbidden
forget / forgot / forgotten
forgive / forgave / forgiven
freeze / froze / frozen
get / got / gotten
give / gave / given
go / went / gone
grow / grew / grown
hang* / hung / hung
have / had / had
hear / heard / heard
hide / hid / hidden
hit / hit / hit
hold / held / held
hurt / hurt/ hurt
keep /kept / kept
know/ knew /known
lay / laid / lain
lead / led / led
leave / left/ left
lend /lent / lent
let / let / let
lie **/ lay / lain
light / lit/ lit
lose / lost / lost
make / made /made
mean / meant /meant
meet /met /met
pay /paid / paid
put /put /put
quit / quit / quit
read *** read / read
ride /rode / ridden
ring / rang / rung
rise / rose / risen
run /ran / run
say / said / said
see / saw /seen
sell/ sold / sold
send / sent /sent
set / set /set
shake / shook / shaken
shine/ shone / shone
shoot / shot / shot
show / showed / shown
shut / shut /shut
sing / sang /sung
sink / sank / sunk
sit / sat /sat
sleep/ slept / slept
slide / slid / slid
speak /spoke /spoken
spend / spent / spent
spin / spun /spun
spread/ spread/ spread
stand /stood / stood
steal / stole / stolen
stick / stuck /stuck
sting /stung / stung
strike /struck / struck
swear / swore /sworn
sweep / swept / swept
swim / swam /swum
swing / swung / swung
take / took /taken
teach / taught/ taught
tear / tore /torn
tell / told / told
think / thought / thought
throw / threw / thrown
understand / understood / understood
wake / woke /woken
wear / wore / worn
win won /won
withdraw / withdrew / withdrawn
write / wrote / written

Commonly misused words...

Writing is a really hard task for me,
one issue is the misuse of words...


Accept/Except
Advice/Advise
Affect/Effect
All Right/Alright
Alternately/Alternatively
A Lot/Alot
Assume/As Soon
Bare/Bear
Bazaar / Bizarre
Breach / Breech
Censor / Censure
Cheap /Cheep
Cite /Sight/ Site
Climactic / Climatic
Coach /Couch
Compliment /Complement
Conceited /Concerted
Confidant /Confident
Copyright /Copywrite
Dessert /Desert
E.G. /I.E.
Exercise /Exorcise
Fair /Fare
Flair /Flare
Flaunt /Flout
Foul /Fowl
Hear /Here
Its /It's
Lay /Lie
Loose /Lose
Me /I
Moot /Mute
Naval /Navel
No One /Noone
Peak /Peek/ Pique
Per Say /Per Se
Raise /Rise
Seam /Seem
Sense /Since
Taut /Tout
Then /Than
There /They're/ Their
Vain /Vane/ Vein
Wary /Weary
Weather /Whether
Who /Which/ That
Whose /Who's

This list is a good start to help you better
understand my troubles. I promise there's more
I could add...anytime I blog, and you spot this
trouble, tell me!

So if writing is so hard for me, why do I write?

A voice is a very powerful tool,
my actual heard voice gets lost in the moment,
my writing voice gives me time to really think what I need to say...

Do you easily confuse words?
Does your voice work better in words?

A big day...

Friday, is lunch day with my editor...!

Nervousness and excitement...both tuck in my emotional bank,

this so means the ball is about to be back in my court...!

Fish bowl...

Pick one child up, waiting twenty minutes for another.

The car door opens, I ask, How was your day?
Did you tell coach you wouldn't be at practice?
Good Day, No, I didn't.
The door slams...

To my right, I turn, she, my daughter, walks towards the coach,
can't see her lips. See his move,
didn't read, he passes her.

Car door opens, she jumps in.
What did he say?
Oh, he wants to know if they will pull all of my teeth?
We both giggle,
I pull away from the school.

Traffic, bumper to bumper, red lights back to back...

Parking lot, I stop at the door, she gets out...

Park, me and my youngest daughter, walk to door, open...

Twenty by ten room full, thirty chairs full, five tables full,
magazines, sitting, homework, cellphones, texting,
talking, looking for parents, signing in, checking out,
opening doors, closing doors, calling of peoples names,
bathroom,pictures on faux finish walls, window,
sun shining in, voices, water, fish bowl,
fish!

Three by one aquarium,
my youngest daughter taps
on the glass!

I look up, from across the room, our eyes meet!

She walks towards me...

Small things...

This weekend while cleaning alittle deeper
than just everyday cleaning, my ipod was playing...
keep in mind my ipod hasn't been updated in along time!!!

Carrie Underwood "So Small" caught me completely off guard,
not realizing this song was even on my ipod.
Carrie's not my top fav singer!
UHhhhh, mainly because I like so many...
I heart MUSIC...!!!

May her song speak to you in away,
touching your heart,
as mine was.



Check this out, on a local radio show this afternoon
I heard she is making donations something to do with
breast cancer and she also made a stop to her hometown,
singing this same song...this is awesome,
check it out !!!

Why do i keep my HaNd in....???

In cancer that is,
most days I want to run
as far as Egypt, actually I can't even run a mile...

This would be about like me saying forget your daddy,
forget he died when you were twenty, never think of him again
and you will be pain free. That's not the case, you can't throw
your past behind you, even if your a survivor of the most
common monster in this generation.

My life for five years consist of words no one absolutely wants
to hear, CANCER....
blood work, CT scans, MRI's, needles, health questionnaire,
insurance, bills, scars, doctor's office, hospital, cards, flowers
food, pain meds, wrist bands, uncomfortable people,
people praying, lonely days, medical personal,
parking places, missed days of work,
no pay check, x-rays, routine check-ups, sweaty palms,
speechless days, elevators, charts, nasty prep drink,
you get my point right...?

All of that probably makes you uncomfortable,
to the point you don't know how to relate to me
and that's okay if you can't but the population of people
who can relate is unfortunately growing.

Either way I am glad you are here, reading...

I am not gonna talk to you about cancer unless you want
to talk about it. And you can read or not read.

So, I am not stuck in my past, actually I am a very happy person,
but if I were to sit back never leaving that door open as to what
I have been through, there could be someone out there
wanting to connect with someone who has been down a few roads
I have been. I remember longing for those days
of being able to relate with someone else...
Not until last year did I start connecting with other cancer related
people, my soul was cleansed in a way that was long over due !!!

Since then I have met over a hand full of people who have or had the same
type of cancer as I did, FHC, which is said to be rare !
Now I know my case and their cases are different,
no doubt, from testing, doctors, states, countries,
treatment and so forth, but I am here to tell you I am glad to have
them as I am sure they are glad to have me,
several I found on my own, others have found me...

So to all my FHC brothers and sisters I love you guys more than you will ever know,
I am rooting for you...!

2005 was the year my doctor released me as cancer free,
come back only if you have symptoms, to me that is strange,
I wasn't having symptoms to begin with. The survival field is
a whole new league to me, one others long for, one others will
never reach.

Which league are you on?
What door do you leave open from your past,
for others to connect,
knowing they aren't alone?

If you are a FHC person, I would love to hear from you!
ashley :)

Cancer Chicks PJ Party 2009

Cancer Chicks, what?

These pictures reveal a special bond,
a bond no one can understand,
unless they have been touched by
the nasty monster,
CANCER!!!

Me having had cancer is not something
I want to talk about most days, but spring of last year
when I ventured out on a photography forum
sharing about my writing of my cancer journey,
a new door opened for me.

It was then and there, right among photographers,
I found others who have been touch by the "C" word,
it becomes exhausting to constantly say cancer!

A photography forum is not a place for cancer,
actually no place is, although the group of photographers
are like family! This is when my fellow photographer sister
said okay I am starting a small cancer group, wallah,
and we had Cancer Chicks.

Although most of the group is from the
photography forum, the door is still open for others,
and others are members.

A place behind close doors, we can share anything
and everything , from first being diagnosed, treatment,
to surviving, all because you feel misunderstood
in the outside world but yet we still are expected
and do keep on living, we even talk about death.

A fear we all fight once hearing the "C" word!
Like living in slow motion waiting to see if the plane
is to hit the trade center or not.

On April 24th of this year, the group lost it's first member.

A day that made me madder than anything, it's hard
for me to see others lose their life, due to the "C" word,
when my life was spared for now, just like it's hard to
see one still fighting. Why did I get the GO pass....???

After our loss, the group was rather quiet for several days!

Out of ragging desire of what the group means,
a PJ party was planned, in stone,
something we talked about before our loss,
but never took
place.

Quickly, most of the group made plans for the PJ party.

A condo was provided, free of charge,
by another fellow photographer sister, noncancerous,
lucky her, but lucky cancer chicks...
Whew Whee...!!!

Destin, Florida here we come,
unfortunately, I was unable to attend,
for numerous reasons,
I will spare
you!

Plane tickets as far as New Jersey, Indiana,
Kansas all were arranged free of charge also,
not certain of those details. Most of the group going,
had never even step foot on a flying metal bullet,
as they called it,
a plane.

Reaching the Atlanta airport, three of four,
all at different times, meeting each other for the first time
in person, said it was like meeting up with an old friend.
Aboard another plane together, all three members, flew to Destin.
The condo provider and the fourth member of the group,
who arrived a day earlier,
came to the airport with red rose in hand,
for pick up. A fact stressed, the drive to the condo
from the airport was longer than the flight down
and back!

June 18-21, Father's Day weekend,
late night talks, hot days,afternoon walks on the beach,
sand in between toes, group photo shoot,
in the ocean, dinner, all for lasting
memories.

Ones I am not part of but with open arms
I am still part of the group,for them, them for me, giggles...
They call me their cheerleader, please I am no where near
cheerleader material but okay, whatever!
Ask them how hard headed I am about the group, feeling certain
whether I belong in the group or not,
not because of not going on the trip,
but just in general...

The answer to that is for another blog entry! or is it???

Back home, each one reported to the group,
thrown right back into to reality, as they put it!

Just as I am honored to share their trip with you,
I am as honored to be a Cancer Chick,
thank you ladies....!!!



From left to right, back row,
Jane, Follicular Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma,
Chris, Breast Cancer, second time active, metastatic
front row,
Brenda, Rectal, remission
Donna, Breast Cancer, remission
in the picture,
Lisa, Colon, our lost member.

Each one of these ladies, have families,
they are mothers, wives, sisters, friends, cousins,
aunts, nieces, workers, etc.....!!!

I am still here...

Are you...???

Boy, has life been traveling in the fast lane!

Monday, I am gonna kick back off...blogging again,
can't wait!!!

See you then...

ashley :)

Who have you inspired lately...

My sister sent me these cards,
the past four months we have talk
about stuff we haven't talk about in years,
or ever talked about, ways I feel about stuff,
ways she feels about stuff!

This life I am living is not easy, and has not been easy!

Last week the conversations got alot deeper,
she saw and heard a deep piece of my heart,
two days later I got these cards, not one,
two!

I was completely knocked off my feet!

Life is hard for all of us, who have you inspired lately?

Where did you leave off?

June 18, grab my calendar,
a day I blogged for the first time in a month.
Secretly from that day,
I challenged myself,
blogging each day for a solid month...

I was to do this regardless of what got in my way!

Jump start, the first part of the challenge
went great, topics begin to pop out of no where.
Unfortunately, on July 10th, eight days from the end
of the challenge, I realized there was no blog for the 9th,
for what ever reason, there after my computer had to pay a visit
to the doctor!

Just how I feel in life, some days... things always tend
to get in the way! When life gets hard for me
or the ones around me, I personally have to find
that enter strength to keep on keeping on!

Do you set challenges for yourself?
Do things get in your way?
Do you give up?
Or do you continue on, even through the troubles?

Great Grandparents House

This is my daddy's side of the family,
that's me in the pink shorts, front row,
arms cross, I remember this day perfectly!


Every other Sunday we would travel
about an hour from my childhood home,
give or take, to my great grandparents...

Lots of memories...

So this week, mother and I,
along with my kids, set out to find
this old house.

Mother warned me the night before,
when we were finalizing plans to drive out,
the house might not be there anymore.

What? your just now telling me this, we have
talked about doing this for months now. I never dreamed
it wouldn't be there...

We find the road, after passing it,
turn around, start down it,
in that moment... I knew this was the
street.

So I hop out of the truck
get my camera ready, the first two
pictures are what you see when you
start down the road, look at the moss,
hanging from the trees, as a child I loved that stuff!




So we round the corner,
there it was...

I couldn't believe it, it was still standing...
I felt like alittle kid again, who lost something
special and found it!


The other side view, see to the right of the picture
a tree, that looks broke off, weeds are something
growing in the top of it, well that's the tree
we are all standing in front of in the old picture
at the top of this blog, it's broke off!



After looking and viewing, the kids asking
hundreds of questions, I was worried if someone lived
in there they might come flying out with a gun or something,
so we would drive off and come back, taking more pictures.

Mother already said if she saw someone, she was to
talk to them, even if it was from across the street.
But we were done, I turn the vehicle around.

I spot a lady, sure enough it was the lady across the street,
walking out, as we are about to drive off, leaving, ending our trip!

Mother jumps out before I can even stop the truck...
the lady was so nice, she owns the old house, uses it for
storage, we talked about old times, it's been at least twenty years,
the lady knew all about my family, mother teared up,
it was kinda sad, it was good times with my daddy!

Remember back in the spring I shared pictures of trees
I talked about my grandmother driving me to the county,
this was the house...

p.s. the lady told us Katrina blew the tree in half...
p.s.s. mother has moss now in her trees, just like in the trees here
it's not the same...

Wait patiently with me

When I want something,
I am the type of person who wants it right then and there,
quickly I remind myself of patiences,
so while I am practicing patiences
this time, I'll let you
look at what I have been looking
at for weeks...


a copy of what my editor has in her hands...Daddy's Briefcase

I know in the end it's going to be worth it,
not only for me but YOU as well...sSSHh...don't tell
but somedays I just want to run, say forget it!

how's your patiences?
how do you handle patiences?
does it pay off?
what have you been patient about?

I've been left on my toes
with my eyes wide open,
to continue my patiences not
only on this project but on a daily basis
in every angle of my life.

First hand...

after applying plaster to a canvas

days later, dry plaster, start painting

next stage of painting

complete


words through out this painting:

Seek
Faith
Find
Hope

Believe

Life, circle of life

Joy
Trust
Love
Guidance
Righteousness
Forgiveness
Courage
Peace
Grace
Strength
Patience
Kindness
Victory
Honesty
Goodness

I was inspired to do this painting, by my own life!
It keeps me beating, going each day...

A room with books is a room full of friends...

These are a few random books you will find in my home library,
some have been read
some have not been read
some will be read
some will not be read
some have been read halfway
some have not been read halfway
some will be read halfway
some will not be read halfway
but I consider them all my friends, inspiration!

do you see your book among these...?
do you see a book you have read among these...?
do you see a book among these you have?

Talent gone...

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me."
~Erma Bombeck

Proud American...

"And I'm proud to be an American,
where at least I know I'm free.
And I won't forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me."
~Lee Greenwood

Make mistakes...

"Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep."
~Scott Adams

Black and White photo's...

"When you photograph people in colour you photograph their clothes. But when you photograph people in B&W, you photograph their souls!"
~Ted Grant

Worst enemy...

"And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt."
~Sylvia Plath

Dreams worth living...

"Having a dream is what keeps you alive. Overcoming the challenges make life worth living."
~Mary Tyler Moore

Best medicine....

"Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on. "
~Bob Newhart

Attitude created by the Soul....

"Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same."
~Francesca Reigler

555-0713

I indulged myself in a new movie,
My Sister's Keeper, a movie from the book of Jodi Picoult's,
inside a family who has been touched by CANCER
as difficult as it was to watch,
this is a must see,
you will not only see a good movie,
but awesome actors who act out in a way
that's so true to how CANCER
touches us, our families, people!

oh and the number in the title here, look for it
in the movie...! (please tell me I got it right...,
I am really bad with twisting numbers, there's a name
for this, oh don't tell me what it's called...)

Remembering MJ

Paying my respects to Micheal Jackson...



And once again a song speaks to me,
the first time I heard this song was on American idol
this year, by Kris Allen, idol winner,
even though my sister loved Micheal Jackson
growing up, when Kris was singing this, it spoke
to me, hearing of the loss of Micheal,
it was on for me.

We all have different out looks on people,
their music, what it means, but I usually soul
search through music, for what means something to me,
personally.....

All I can here in this song is to look at the man
in the mirror for a change, this can't be done by one
person or persons, but by all of us, if we want to see change
for this generation and the generations coming.

So I consciously each day of my life try to think
outside the box, do my part in some way for a change,
this begins with in my home and back, to the point of
sharing my story, in hopes of giving others hope,
with a chance for others to see how
different things can and do effect us,
a overall outlook what can we do
to make a change and make it a better place...

I don't want to live my life as a bench warmer any longer...

What do you do to make a difference, a change or do you?

hugs to all,
ashley :)

Do you?

Do you ever look at others, think to yourself,
what's their story, what roads have they traveled,
were they painful, are they free now, are they at PEACE???

Do you think about that on the other side
of the world it's winter?

Do you return your shopping cart?

Do you have self image issues, from childhood?

Do you ever wonder if others lay in bed at night
and think of the same things you do?

Do you send a card to someone in the time of need,
even if it's three years later, six months, a year...?

Do you donate used books to the library?

Do you think of the cause of cancer?

Do you smile at the cashier, ask them how they are?

Do you think of being president one day?

Do you struggle with your weight?

Do you look at others and wish
you had what they have or could be
like them?

How do they do it?

For me I try to stay true to myself, worrying
about what others have lets me know I am not in touch with me
by learning from my past, not dwelling on it,
do I have bad days?, you better believe it! I pack up
and continue on, conditioning my mind heart body and soul...
from the one above!

Did I have bad days? yes...
Does it get better? yes...
Will it ever go away? no...

But I am at PEACE and I live FREE...

I save my time and engery so I will have time
for the small things in life, smiling at a cashier,
putting my shopping cart up, etc...

This has been such a random topic "DO YOU"
but I hope you know your not alone in this world,
you find peace!

until next time,
ashley:)

p.s. do you have any do you's to share...

Come What May

A constant reminder to myself,
as a full time mom,
I have a huge job to master,
if something goes wrong in the future
for my children, I can't blame anyone else,
hubby is at work, and although we are in this together,
I am the one who is with them all day long!

So in an effort to accomplish this goal
of mine for my children, I push myself each day,
especially this summer, I made a vow to myself,
it would be better than the past, the job title
I hold can be very challenging...

On days we don't have something schedule, I tried
to produce something pretty much out of nothing,
this requires me to be fully in touch with myself,
if not, I would feel blue and have no energy or
desire to do the small stuff with my kids,
Tuesday was MOVIE DAY!

We scheduled a time the movie would be showing,
my oldest daughter made us movie tickets,
you should have seen the joy in her eyes
when I ask her to do this, children want to feel special,
something I didn't often feel as a child,
why? Long story for another day!

We popped popcorn, drinks of choice, napkins, straws, movie
all loaded on a tray.... off to the movie showing
here at 1:25...Come What May, watch the trailer.. check out behind the story, also.

A must see, no doubt, I loved it and so did my oldest daughter,
my younger one got lost from the start so she played
with her dolls, the joys of eight years age difference
between my kids.

Because the movie was so educational
many of times we hit rewind, as the oldest
ask questions, she easily confuses, twist things,
because I dealt with this as a child, knowing how it feels,
people mistake you as stupid,
I have trained myself through the years,
so there forth I am patient with her, and I help smooth
any questions out for her.

Have you seen this movie?
Did you watch the trailer?
Did you struggle as a child, often feeling stupid?
Do you have children far apart in age, why?
What do you do to keep from feeling blue?

Music always speaks to me...

No matter where I am, usually
you will find me listening to music,
all kinds, music speaks to me...

Remember the featured couple,
Their wedding date was June 6,
I had the honor of photographing
their special day, so most of my time these days
is spent editing their photo's,
I promise to share....later

Today while editing I heard John Mayer, Say,
here is the video...



I am such a visual person, so I love video's,
as a child, if not listening to music, I was watching
video's...

any whooooo, this song spoke to me, for things now,
in the past and for the future!

A story that hit home, teen pregnancy

In 2005, I realized my cancer story
was a must tell, as a private person
this would become challenging,
in order to do so I knew I would have
to dig deep to include my background.

This would mean sharing me as a pregnant teen,
something I know, yes, is common,
but was still hard, even though it was from actions I chose.

Recently, I read an article in People magazine,
about teen pregnancy,
one of my favorite mags,
from a girl who is totally in the,
I guess you would say,
spot light, now....

Actually, she is a girl just like any one else,
her story hit home, a topic that will be discuss under my roof.
One my mother didn't with me,
but she trusted me,
just like this girls parents did!

It can happen, and does happen, I thought it couldn't!

Did someone discuss teen pregnancy with you?
How will you discuss it with your kids? Will you...
Were you a pregnant teen?
Has this topic touched your family?

Happy Father's Day

It's written for life on my heart

All the thing's you, Daddy,
taught me, you might not
have realize all I saw
or heard but I gained so much.

Your values, life's lessons,
and even though your gone
from this here earth,
I continue to grow,
I wouldn't be the woman I am today
without you, the foundation you built
for me is still strong,
no one can take it away.

On a day like today,
I still think of you,
you will always have a place of honor
deep within my heart, my hero, no
matter the amount of year's you've been
gone, twelve.

Happy Father's Day!!!

I miss you...

From your forever grateful child, Ashley.

I read for my girls...........

This morning, I read for my girls



I know this family has been
the hot topic for alot
but we still find
strength in them... their story
their life

My oldest daughter
even ask if she could
keep the book!

To give or not to give???

Hubby ask me the another night
about my opinion in giving blood.

A friend of his little boy
is in need of blood,
although hubby isn't his blood type,
his donation can be used as a credit.

Should he give or not give?

My answer, YES, give!!!
two reasons...why
I have been touched by blood donations.

One, the day Daddy died,
he was giving blood to keep him alive
until I made it to the hospital,
I was able to tell him
"I love you"
words often not shared.

Can you imagine my grief process
if I would have not been able to tell him...

Two, in order to have my liver resection
in 2000, blood donations was a requirement.

Family, friends,and their friends all
donated blood for me.

Luckily, I didn't have to receive any,
but to know it was there was truly amazing,
as a safety measure on my behalf,
to the people who donated for me
words of thank you will never be enough...

Unfortunately, for me, now
I personally can't give blood.

WHY?

This crazy thing called CANCER, a nasty monster.

Even though I am cancer free, remission, survivor
what ever you want to call me, it was liver cancer,
a main stream line for blood... so honestly I don't
consider myself cancer free, when my everyday life,
beyond blood donations, is affected...

CANCER SUCKS!

Can you give blood?
Do you give blood?
Has blood been given on your behalf?

Are you a cancer related person,
what's your out look on blood donations...
I know in research, some cancer peeps can donate
depending on different things like type....
oh and what about organ donation....

Grab my calendar....

over there, no over there...

Where is my Calendar?
Count the days, why?
I don't know, just do it...

May 18th, June 18th

It's summer, days spent mostly
in the roads
running to camps
appointments
weddings
swimming
helping a friend
dressing rooms with kids
greenish pool hair
slushies
sunscreen
cooking on the grill
fruit

kids summer song...



no matter where we are, what we are doing
the kids stop dead in their tracks
to sing this song...

they can even be under water

for me thanks to David Letterman
this song is stuck in my head...
"i gotta feeling tonight is gonna be a good night"



but on my ipod for the past month
I have listen to....
Mat Kearney
over and over, google him, I love all his songs,
here is one!

I am so giddy inside...

Woo Hoo Wee...

Days go by so fast, sometimes!
Summer is here...

So you want to know why I am giddy?

I am a guest blogger,
for a very dear young lady,
a friend, Marisa, at Sally's Circle,

I met Marisa on another blog,
Life with Cancer,
where she was a guest blogger.

We all tend
to connect with people
who we have things in common with.

Marisa and I have a list of connection's,

When Marisa was 20, her mother passed away.
When I was 20, my father passed away.

Marisa's mother was diagnosed with cancer in 2000.
I, myself, was diagnosed with cancer in 2000.

Marisa's mother's cancer type was pancreatic.
I lost my grandmother to pancreatic cancer.

Now if your not feeling it, don't worry because I am!

Marisa could so be my next door neighbor,
my best friend from childhood,
a friend in my graduating senior class,
her warmth companion friendship is guaranteed.

She has put herself on the line for others
to connect, I was mostly touched by this.
She states in her about me section,
"I promise I'll always listen"
and I have seen it first hand,
not only with me but others.

Guys it's people like her
who give you the courage to move on
even when life is hard,
deal with the emotions
but don't miss a bet of your own life!

So you read a tid bit of my story over at her blog, Sally's Circle,
now you are here to see what's up with me.

Read my first blog entry,WELCOME
my second,23 things about me
Fast forward to,Today is the day.

So I am still working at it, the book that is.
Oh and I almost forgot Marisa's writing a book as well,
another thing in common, they are endless...

Actually, as we speak,
no really as you read and I type,
my manuscript is in the hands
of a very talented girl.

Whose first job is not editing,
so with time and patience
running side by side,
we are working on it!

I will keep you posted,
if you would like to follow my blog, do so,
if you want to be put on my email list,
let me know.

Until next time,
have a wonderful day!

ashley:)

Summer here we come...

As the school year wraps up,

Who's ready for summer?

Me ME me....

Last week,
I cleaned the girls rooms
really good and now this week,
I am focusing on stock up....

Stock up? Pack up for the summer!

popsicles
sunscreen
beach towels
bug spray
snacks
juices
water
quick lunches
plates
cups
pt
tp
laundry supplies
bathroom supplies, toothpaste, brushes...
hair products, mouse, hairspray, shampoo...
cleaning supplies, bathroom...
small art actives, colors, coloring books....
other actives, water balloons, sidewalk chalk, bubbles...

I don't want to spend countless hours
in the store with kids! How about you?

What's on your stock up list?
Please share, I am sure I am forgetting something.

Hope everyone has a blast of a summer!

Remember this month is graduation ....

As we are near
the middle of May,

Don't forget those
who are graduating
whether it be
high school
or college.

My oldest daughter
and I chose
two beautifully
talented girls,

from the senior class
where my kids attend
school, to give
a small gift,
along with a card,
a little something simple.

I remember my senior year!

Do you?

It can be a scary time in our life,
but we can be reminded that it's okay,
go forward with those hopes
and dreams....

gift ideas:

Gift card
Iron
Jump drive
Umbrella
Inspirational book
Coffee maker
Organizer or planner
Desk accessories
A piece of luggage
Resume writing books
Set of sheets
Picture frames
Book about future field of study or career
Devotional
Self-help Book
Phone card

How many words can you make out of...

BLOGAVERSEFROMASHLEYSARTCLOSET

On the PHONE....

At a local clothing store the other day,
I stood at the check out,
one of the salesman who usually helps me
stands behind the counter
talking with another co worker.

Over hearing them
as I am often guilty of
I hear him say
he doesn't like to talk of the phone,
it was work related.

I called him by his name,
while this other saleslady
is checking me out,
and said what,
you don't like to talk on the phone.

He was like yeah, you know people cant
see your personality while your on the phone.

Now he is alittle younger than me
but not by much,
his skin is alittle dark than mine,
but guys I am a firm believer in us
teaching each other.

I called him by his name,
saying you have got to be kidding me.
Tell me why you don't like to talk
on the phone
so he goes into details about
the personality thing.

Now this guy has diffidently got the PERSONALITY!

He has nothing to worry about
and I told him that, your personality
can shine through the phone
just like it does in person.

Guys, and girls, its all about confidence,
now believe me I struggle
with confidence,
it stems from childhood
but I am an overcomer! (most days)

Does yours your personality shine
even on the phone?

Dear Mom

Okay so we all know I am not a big reader,
give or take some, I guess!
I am all about learning...
strange I was a horrible student in school!

Having a teenage daughter, not that we are
having trouble in our
relationship but she said something
to me the other day about a friend.

It reminded me of when I was a teenager,
always feeling miss understood.
So I set sail today to find
a handie dandie book...just to make sure
I was in check with everything,
here is what I found Dear Mom

Guess I'll have to read!

Today was ....

Surgery day...
Remember two weeks ago
when I shared TODAY is the day.... nine years ago!
Then a week later I shared the Actual day of diagnosis...,
Well I also wanted to share my surgery date,
all three of these dates
will always be close to my heart.

They are dates like anything else
good or bad in our lives we tend to hold on to.

So two whole weeks.......
hmmmm what did I do those two weeks,
what was it like?

Fantastic Friday!

Terrific Thursday!

Wonderful Wednesday!

Totally Tuesday...!

This is one of the few paintings I did for a very close friend, she lost her house in a fire Oct. '07 and Oct.'08 they moved back into the totally rebuilt home. So I shared my talent! to show they are loved...

Happy Monday to all!

This is a painting I did last summer!

Actual day of diagnosis...

Today actually is the day I was diagnosed,
March 28, TODAY is the day.... nine years ago!
was when testing started...

So, a whole week of test,
the unknown!

TODAY is the day.... nine years ago!

Well guys if you have looked around my blog enough,
you have gained insight that I am writing my first
book, Daddy's Briefcase.

A book, something that I some days don't/didn't
think is/was possible. Believe me it has been very trying
to say the least.

Now, I am convinced any of us can do
anything we want as long as we set our heart, mind, body
and soul out to do so. But I’m obviously new to this book-writing
and publishing work, so I value any input, advice, suggestions,
helpful links, etc. that anyone wants to pass on!

Do you every see people in troubled times?
And secretly or openly wonder how they handle themselves,
or just want all the juicy details of how it all went down!

Nine years ago TODAY, is when it all started,
being told there was a spot on my liver.
Ultimately, I received the worst news
most people humanly possible could gain.

I was diagnosed with a rare form of LIVER CANCER,
at the time it was so uncommon for someone
my age, 23, to receive this type of news.

Already at age of 20,
I lost my father due to liver failure, he was 48.
The following day my grandmother died due to pancreatic cancer...

Prior at age 19, I gave birth to my first child.

My plate was full, way beyond FULL!!!
I promise ya!
So how did I survive?

In 2005, I set out to start my journey
of sharing my cancer story on paper.

One page of the first chapter was typed,
I ran, the emotions were still there,
I didn't even realize it.

Another year passes, a tug constantly
on my heart lingered, I had to find a way
to get my story out there, to share my struggles
in hopes of helping others, in 2006, I started typing
again.

This go around was better, I am still working on it.
Yes, it's taking this long guys.

It is in my hopes you will join me on this journey,
we can complete this together.

I hope to wrap things up this year!

So you can get all the juicy details...
I can't wait!

Thanks,
ashley:)

p.s. I am going to be looking for early readers if anyone
is interested shoot me an email.

Spring Break 2009!

I finally made it back to share the details of our week, sorry to leave you hanging with just the pictures. Thanks for the comments already received,on the pictures!

MONDAY-Shopped for material for my oldest daughters school project, a parachute to be drop over Germany with Dios es Amos (God is Love) hand writing on the side, yes I had to sew the parachute. This project earned her an extra 100 in the class, so two great things at once, she got a good grade and someone else will learn they are loved. We also went shopping for flowers for the cemetery, my youngest daughter has never been to my daddy's grave and always ask about it, so what a beautiful time of year to go. When I told her we would go one day when they are out of school she ask me, "can we dig his bones up" she is five!

TUESDAY-We arrive to our scheduled hair appointments, with my mother, for the girls. All ate lunch together at a local sand which shop. Then drove to the cemetery. Monday it rained, so we were not sure if it would carry on into Tuesday, I had visioned the kids having their pictures made with rain boots and umbrellas. The sun was perfectly out when we got there but I was determined to still get those photos. I meant to bring a shovel!





they tried to bring home a baby fish and a baby turtle...momma said NO! :(

WEDNESDAY-My oldest daughter went to work with her aunt, so my and the youngest had alittle time to ourselves. We ran a few errands, in return I took her to the park and a quick stop at the local ice cream shop. There we saw the manager, she is always busting with friendliness, always remembers my family. A break appeared between customers, she begin telling me about the first time school fundraisers she put together, showing me the fundraiser packets. Again busting with excitement, she expressed how she hopes to be in corporate office one day. I look her firmly in the eyes telling her you will be, keep up the great work. Guys workers like this will make it to the top no doubt. The same goes for us in our daily lives! I didn't have time to explain to her just what I meant, she did ask about my position in a company, then the break was over. In all of the history of my life, I have worked hard to be where I am, on top! My oldest daughter came home, went to spend the night with a friend. The youngest hung out on the back porch and gazed into the eyes of the dozens of caterpillars she found. Of course I broke out the camera, when she finally came inside she told me, "I heard God talking to me" a five year old now, that's amazing! I ask what did he say but she couldn't really tell me other than she heard his voice in her head.






THURSDAY-Was quit, after lunch we picked up the oldest, drove to a schedule orto appointment.

FRIDAY-Cleaned, groceries, cooked and had family night!

So you have it, our week...I remember several years back a dentist I worked for,at the time,son said to him something about not going on a big trip for spring break, like all of his friends. Of course he had the good old father son talk with him about all the stuff he does for him through out the year and so on...

Our spring break is a prefect example even the littlest things done can be a good time, they might think different, but my point is you don't have to leave town, state or the country! I showed them meaningful things that we are usually to busy to just sit back and enjoy.

Wednesday 4 WE....yes that means you & me !!!

I want to start off by saying,
THANKS to everyone who has joined
the blog party... this has been a cool journey!

And to those who stopped in on MY PAGE! I hope you
found some form of insight while here to apply in your
daily life, even if you don't return here again, but its in
my hopes you do, because I would love to have you around.....

On second note MY MONDAY ME
turned into a TUESDAY 4 THEE
all while settling back in after a long week
of spring break spent with the
kids.

So on this WEDNESDAY 4 WE
I set out to tell about my time
during spring break, quickly realizing
I have way more to say then time I have
to offer today, so I wanted to at least
share something with you today, maybe to
brighten it...

Remember to do your part, leave comments by the dozens
you might even help someone else out,
who is reading.

Okay so here goes,
watch this video blow
some of you may have heard
this song before it's
Cowgirls Don't Cry by Brooks n Dunn,
don't get lost really in all the actual happens
on the video, if anything don't watch video, just
listen to the song....if you have been faced with
troubles in your life, as I know we all have at some
point, this song is for you, now I am not saying ignore
your emotions but once you seek out those emotions get back
on your feet and move on...don't miss a moment of your life
stuck in emotions...hugs to all! and know someone loves you...



Oh and be sure to check back soon
I am gonna break our spring break down
just for YOU to see....I can't wait.

ashley :)

Yes Yes...I joined the blog party!

Hello everyone,

I have been away for a few days,
spring break with my kiddos.
Boy am I tired!

So I am gearing up for a big me day on Monday
but in the mean time I want to do my part in the blog party.



Jump down to my first blog WELCOME and then my second blog 23 things about me

Oh and check out my page on myspace to get alittle closer look at ME...myspace... I haven't made it to facebook or twitter yet!

I'll be back later this week to share what we were up to spring break.

Planning a special day...

Are you planning a special day...
your WEDDING...
or is someone you know...
Although months of seems like endless planning,
something is likely to go wrong.
So pack your bag full of these items below to tackle any emergency...

Wedding Day Survival Kit
Tissues
Mints
Deodorant
Ponytail/Bobby pins
Safety pins
Floral pins
Nail file
Needle and Thread (white/ivory/black/brown and color of bridemaids dresses)
Super Glue
Scissors
Tape
Water
Pain Reliever
Band Aids
Moisturizer
Lip Gloss
Earring Backs
Lint Brush
Tide to go! (wipes or pen)
Eye Drops
Peptobismol Tablets
Tampons
Toothbrush/Paste/Floss
Hair Products/ Spray/Gel/Mousse
Mirror
Makeup
Blotting papers
Body Spray/Perfume/Cologne
Black Socks
Shoelaces
Shoe Polish
Extra stays for collar
Razor/Shaving cream
Cash/Change
Cellphone with vendors numbers
Snacks
Umbrella

I have search high and low for things to place on this list but if you know of something to add, let me know.

Thanks to everyone,
ashley :)

Featured Couple of 2009

I am truly honored
to share with you
my "Featured Couple of 2009"

A couple zesting for a full life ahead!

We met on a Saturday
for their scheduled engagement session.

This was my first time to meet Josh.
It was obvious from the beginning of the shoot
he adores Laurie.

Laurie and I met
at her cousins Greek wedding
in May of 2006 ...a true blast!

Me and cousin go way back...SHhhh
I will not tell...if you do not tell...stories!

In a calm manner
Laurie called me the day before
the session. We talked about the "what if's" of mother nature.

Thanks to the Mississippi weather
earlier in the week we were
surround by temps in the middle 70's.
Now we were facing windy temps in the low 40's.

Another call the next morning...

They proudly show up
at their scheduled time
dressed in coordinating outfits...to die for!
with a change of another coordinating outfit.

When we talked about
how they meet
I was truly digging this couple.

Laurie insisted their love story was not exciting.

I beg to differ.

I love to see blossoming couples,
to me that is enough of a love story.
And this couple is defiantly blossoming,
both have degrees with a planned career ahead.

Their three year relationship
began playing a game of washers with mutual friends.
Away from champing the game of washers,
Laurie is sure never to go hungry...
with Josh's cooking!

Most other times they can be caught
snuggled up watching a movie or a favorite sport
with their three dogs.

I can't wait until your early June wedding...
to meet the rest of the wedding party and your family!
Laurie is going to be a beautiful bride...

Thanks to the both of you, you rock!

ashley :)

p.s. By midnight there was less than an inch of snow
on the ground!

Thinking of a friend today...

In 2000 when I was diagnosed with FHC,
I longed to find other cancer related people,
that's like me saying I want someone to have cancer...WRONG!

Unfortunately at that time no one was to be found.

I was completely ALONE!

Springish, Summerish of 2008,
coming open with the writing of my cancer journey,
I begin to meet others who have been touched by FHC,
cancer period, for that matter. Long past what I thought
was the end of my healing process...
connecting with others help feel the void,
the void I longed for, for so long!

Amazingly, I found a hand full of FHC peeps.

Today one of those special peeps
is under going some additional treatment.
It is in my heart she will have a full and fast recovery!

She is a true angel! A fighter... her motto is
"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow..."
I call her my little FHC sister...!

ashley:)

Trees

Remembering as far back as a child can.
Jumping in the long backseat of my grandmother's
old blue 1970's Lincoln Continental.

She would drive as far as Utica.
While still in Hinds County it felt so far away to me.
Stuck with car sickness, crayons a jumping, books a flying.

Her ageing hands grip
the big blue round stirring wheel.
Only taking one hand off at a time.
Her long pointer finger taps the window
next to her.

Her gentle soul speaks, look at the beautiful trees.

I didn't think much of it then.
Now as an adult, now she is gone,
spring is one of my favorite times of year.

Enjoy these pictures above photographed last week in February.

This week is March.
These trees don't look the same!
It's amazing how fast blooming takes place.

Farewell my friend... "Good Day"

This morning I wake to the news
of Paul Harvey's passing
at the age of 90! A radio broadcasting pioneer
with a voice to never be forgotten.
I like so many others remember him
as far back as one can.

He will be greatly missed.

23 things about ME!

1. Love Spring and Fall.

2. My first car was a tan Ford Escort.

3. My best friend in high school worked the drive through at Burger King.

4. Own one pair of crocks. PINK!

5. I do not brush my hair.

6. My favorite show of all times is Wonder Years.

7. Lied to mother once.

8. I love hats.

9. My purse was stolen once.

10. Was not a straight A student.

11. Don't like front load washers.

12. My favorite new author is Lisa Schroeder.

13. My favorite sport is basketball.

14. Only one living grandparent.

15. Member of a small cancer group.

16. Love junk yards.

17. Collected frogs in high school.

18. Never had a maid.

19. Easily confuse words.

20. Photographed one Greek wedding.

21. Sat on the second row of a George Straight concert.

22. Walked 5 miles on the treadmill once.

23. Have one sibling.

*WELCOME*

To my blog,
Blog a verse...from Ashley's art closet.

A place to share photography, writing and paintings.

You will find more times
often than not
my writing in verse form.
NOT POETRY!

I do not like poetry.

I remember as a small child
writing like so but couldn't make
much sense of it.

Last year I found
actual authors who write in verse as well.
So maybe I am not crazy after all!
Ask who they are and I will tell.

Spell check is my best friend,
grammar and punctuation are not.
I don't like to read,
but I am writing a book!

The year 2000, at the age of 23, I was diagnosed
with a rare form of liver cancer,
Fibrolamellar Hepatocellular Carcinoma (FHC).
After a long intense battle, in 2005 I was set FREE,
cleared by my doctor, this is when my writing begin,
to share my story in hopes of helping others as they heal.

So come on in take alook around.
Hopefully you will enjoy yourself,
leaving inspired with what I have to offer.

I will have guest bloggers from time to time,
let me know if you would like to be one of them.
If not check back to see who visits.

Please feel free to leave comments,
by the dozen!

hugs to all ... from a hugless person,
ashley :)

How to Leave an Amazon Book Review

Search "Under Contract: Life in the Middle of Dreams" by Ashley Murphy on Amazon or use this link, https://amzn.to/2KGagt3

Scroll Down, until you see Customer Reviews (see picture below) and Click on "Write a customer review".

SELECT your star rating of Under Contract: Life in the Middle of Dreams (see picture below) by rolling your curser over the stars. 

Once you select a star rating a box will appear. (see picture below). WRITE your review in the big white box and then type your "Headline: What's most important to know?" You can also add a picture of the book,  a selfie with the book and or a video. Click Submit. You should receive an email about writing a review. It may take 24 hours before review appears public on Amazon. 

Tips for writing a review:

• jot down your initial thoughts about the book on a piece of paper or in the notes of you phone.
• take those words you jot down, shape and mold them into a review.
• a review does not have to be long.
• there’s no right or wrong way to write a review.
• go with whats on your heart.
• trust and believe in yourself.
• trust and believe what you write out is from God and you are serving as an instrument in His kingdom.

I am cheering for you!

I tell people all the time, “Reviews for authors are GOLD”!

"Book Reviews" are an advancement for where the Lord is carrying the authors current message in the book being reviewed. As well as, advancing the next great message the Lord has for the author, possibly another book, to accomplish for a Kingdom impact. 

How awesome to know your review is apart of His big plan!

Thank you!

Ashley